I think I may have to create an entire separate edition just to talk about the rock hard stupidity of members in smartphone website forum communities and article comment fields. And just to add a little spice, I may even keep an ongoing idiot-list to publicly display their forum ID and website forum they inhabit. Hmmm... I rather like that idea! Moderators need not be excluded either. Simple headings like this would suffice:
Idiot name Website Forum of Origin
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
Samsung phones just suck
Welcome to the first edition of Real Mobile, your no nonsense real tech talk with the bullshit filtered out from misguided (or paid off) technology news sites and the endless hordes of drooling giggling beasts inhabiting their discussion forums.
I'm pretty sure you've already developed a pretty good idea of the general theme here, and you're correct. This isn't Engadget. It's not the Verge. And it sure isn't iBoy iGenius iReport. It's just me, my charming disposition, and the real hard cold truth about the world of mobile technology. Minus the bullshit, placing of head in sand, lies, truths, and stupidity rampant among the aforementioned.
What prompted such nerd-rage you ask? Simple. Years of reading idiotic "articles" by hacks who don't have a clue what they're talking about on sites like the above and all their brethren I don't have the time to list. Years of reading sheer fucking stupidity in forum posts by insensate blinking calves, which I'll be referring to frequently by their common known names of Sheep, Fanboys, Rabid Fanboys (yes there are degrees), and of course trolls.
What makes me any better? Simple. Nobody is as righteous as me. We live in a democratic society (I managed to say that with a straight face. Fuck I'm good.) so you're free to disagree with me. It just makes you an idiot that's all. If I'm wrong, I will admit it with no prompting needed by you. Now let's get to it.
That's right. The world's top selling smartphone sucks. The fact that it's the world's top selling phone now only proves to me what a fucking hopeless waste of fresh air humanity is. "But Enoch, it's the best phone duh, or it wouldn't sell the most". Listen dipshit. McDonald's is the number one food source for your rotted culture, and you flock to Walmart in worn out sweat pants snug against your grossly obese bodies by the tens of thousands. Why? Why the fuck are you like this? Fret not, because I'm going to tell you.
You're blind sheep led around the nose by marketing. This in a nutshell is exactly why Samsung is #1
Samsung phones are cheap plasticky pieces of garbage. Their benchmark scores are mediocre - I have to interrupt to make a point: I don't post "links" to "sources". You know why? Because I don't have to. My Blog people, my Blog. You want links go hang out with the mouth breathing fiends over at Android Central, Phandroid, or those insecure snot faced little keyboard warriors over at XDA. Ok, where were we? Look at your typical Samsung build quality using this example of the massively marketed Samsung Galaxy S3:
Compare that to the build quality of pretty much ANY Motorola, HTC, LG android smartphone. No contest. Samsung's GPS radios? Suck. Customer support? Sucks. Touchwiz UI? Sucks. Hardware? Mediocre. Production facilities' quality control? Don't get me started. Samsung still insists on those cheap flimsy hardware home buttons. And last but not least - and this is the real genius of their marketing - it's ugly as sin yet millions of fungi all coo how pretty it is.
So how did the GS3 sell so damn well? Because Samsung knows the magic formula McDonalds uses to peddle poison down your fat gobs - A combination of massive marketing, cheap construction costs, the stupidity of the general public, and the idiot review websites that spurred me to create this blog.
Final thoughts? If you consider buying this piece of junk based on customer reviews and fanboy forum posts, you're getting the real deal on this phone right here. Or you can listen to them, and you and your buddies can all nod your heads in zombie like fashion "cuz everyone on the internet says it's a gud fone, so it just is, k?"
And remember this, always: There's no limit to what passive aggressive people with buyer's remorse will say in order to make sure you buy a phone just as shitty as the one they're stuck with and regret.
Stay tuned, next week you'll hear why I hope Nokia just gets it over with and dies.
I'm pretty sure you've already developed a pretty good idea of the general theme here, and you're correct. This isn't Engadget. It's not the Verge. And it sure isn't iBoy iGenius iReport. It's just me, my charming disposition, and the real hard cold truth about the world of mobile technology. Minus the bullshit, placing of head in sand, lies, truths, and stupidity rampant among the aforementioned.
What prompted such nerd-rage you ask? Simple. Years of reading idiotic "articles" by hacks who don't have a clue what they're talking about on sites like the above and all their brethren I don't have the time to list. Years of reading sheer fucking stupidity in forum posts by insensate blinking calves, which I'll be referring to frequently by their common known names of Sheep, Fanboys, Rabid Fanboys (yes there are degrees), and of course trolls.
What makes me any better? Simple. Nobody is as righteous as me. We live in a democratic society (I managed to say that with a straight face. Fuck I'm good.) so you're free to disagree with me. It just makes you an idiot that's all. If I'm wrong, I will admit it with no prompting needed by you. Now let's get to it.
Real Mobile Ed. 1: Samsung phones suck.
That's right. The world's top selling smartphone sucks. The fact that it's the world's top selling phone now only proves to me what a fucking hopeless waste of fresh air humanity is. "But Enoch, it's the best phone duh, or it wouldn't sell the most". Listen dipshit. McDonald's is the number one food source for your rotted culture, and you flock to Walmart in worn out sweat pants snug against your grossly obese bodies by the tens of thousands. Why? Why the fuck are you like this? Fret not, because I'm going to tell you.
You're blind sheep led around the nose by marketing. This in a nutshell is exactly why Samsung is #1
That's you, lined up at Best Buy for the Samsung Galaxy S XXIIV.
Samsung phones are cheap plasticky pieces of garbage. Their benchmark scores are mediocre - I have to interrupt to make a point: I don't post "links" to "sources". You know why? Because I don't have to. My Blog people, my Blog. You want links go hang out with the mouth breathing fiends over at Android Central, Phandroid, or those insecure snot faced little keyboard warriors over at XDA. Ok, where were we? Look at your typical Samsung build quality using this example of the massively marketed Samsung Galaxy S3:
So how did the GS3 sell so damn well? Because Samsung knows the magic formula McDonalds uses to peddle poison down your fat gobs - A combination of massive marketing, cheap construction costs, the stupidity of the general public, and the idiot review websites that spurred me to create this blog.
Final thoughts? If you consider buying this piece of junk based on customer reviews and fanboy forum posts, you're getting the real deal on this phone right here. Or you can listen to them, and you and your buddies can all nod your heads in zombie like fashion "cuz everyone on the internet says it's a gud fone, so it just is, k?"
And remember this, always: There's no limit to what passive aggressive people with buyer's remorse will say in order to make sure you buy a phone just as shitty as the one they're stuck with and regret.
Stay tuned, next week you'll hear why I hope Nokia just gets it over with and dies.
Enoch
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